June 4th, 2010
I had a ok day, I just saw Shanel off to go to Megan dugoods so she and Megan can go to Florida tomorrow for a week at Disneyland. Im not sure if I really like letting go. It was very hard for me to let her go but the two girls have been planning this graduation trip for a while and I geuss Its time to let her go.

When she gets back she leaves for another week to her 7th year of church girls camp.Then it will be time to prepare for the big trip to Idaho so she can become a college student.

How I wish she was still little and I could dress and play all day with her and care for her. She has grown into such a amazing young lady and I am very proud of her. Her sister is pretty amazing too.

Im quickly becoming a empty nester and Im not liking it. Im finding that I have become the kids mom and not much of anything else.

Here goes the whinning..... Since 1999 I have been home only working when and where I wanted and not really grasping onto a career or even a job. I have been doing online college for over a year now and have achieved over 40 college credits. I have yet to see where even a degree will help some one at my age that doesnt have a career. I dont feel really connected with the community or people here in Texas and I dont even feel connected to myself these days. I geuss it is just one of those day where I dont feel very happy. I am greatful for my friends and family I just wish I had people a round that I felt like I had some thing in common with.....

I have come to the conclusion that when I left my career to be a mom I sunk both my feet into that and enjoyed it so much that I let my identity go some how. Now where to find it? Being the anilitical person that I am, I figure that I have to do research, learn some new skills and hobbies and try and get to know more people. I have been trying to find things i can do for people and with people (adults) so that I can build my new circle of influennce in order to pull myself out of this depressing rut I am in. Im finding that I have such a large range of interest that It makes it hard for me to realistically begin any of them ugg.... Again time to prioritise and just start jumping in. I have been trying to walk and swim regularly in order to try and get into shape. Thats not going real well either.

I geuss I just need to stop thinking so much and pray and read my scriptures more, through christ all things are possible, and he really does want me to be positive. My heavenly father has always cared for me and protected me and for this I am truely grateful. I know that through faith and obedience through the gospel I will find my way and my place in this great big world.

Good noght till next time....