Where is the rain??

Today has been pretty challenging. Jessica is growing up to be a beautiful normal young lady. TO NORMAL that is lol. I just want to pick up and move to a deserted island some times and live on mangos and bananas! Some where where I could swim, hike walk on the beach and read and sit on a hamick and read all day or just day dream....
Life is so hecktic I just want to not be human sometimes. What is it to be human any ways... you have a body and blood that slowly deteriates untill you are a crazy old person loosing your hair and your mind, wearing diapers and wishing you could eat when and what you want to... doesnt sound good to me!
Im not happy when I have to be tough. It isnt me. But sometimes you have to put others before your self, usually all the time... anther reason to just check out lol.
No ac in the car is making me cranky sorry... no one reads this any ways, I have been told "Im a no body' "that "I dont matter to anyone and that no one cares what I think, say or feel" by someone who is suppose to be my friend.... this should just roll off my shoulders but for some reason I just cant seem to kick this statement.....
Im probably just tired today, I had a great lunch with someone I respect a lot. I picked up Jessica and Syd the little girl I baby sit and took them to piano. Now I waiting to take Jess to YW's.
My testimony of jesus christ is strong and I know he loves me..... even if I am a no body.......

Where does the time go?

Wow! So much has happened over the last couple of months, where do I start?

Shanel is a college student at BYU-I and she just fits there, it is amazing, I love how well my heavenly father listens to my mom prayers and always gets my sweet daughters where they should be, and where they really should be.

Shanel is growing in leaps and bounds spiritually and becoming the young lady her heavenly father wants her to become.

My oldest son Jeff just graduated from the sheriff"s academy in AZ and is doing well. He is a great dad and husband as well as a great grandson, son and brother.

T.J Is doing well and we hope to be invited soon to a very special day soon.

Jessica keeps me busy being the only child at home. We enjoy our early morning drives to seminary at 5:45 am every morning, and getting her work in each day as she is home schooled and in the ninth grade this year.

She is becoming such a young lady, it seems like over night she went from our baby girl, to such a young lady. She says she wants to go to Harvard law school? Maybe just a phase we will see...

My college online classes are doing well and Im half way done. Im still not sure what I want to be when I grow up, but hopefully will figure it out soon.

I have been buying and selling stuff and baby sitting lately and that is all doing well. My main focus right now is Jessica. I only have 4 years till she is in college and so I value every moment with her right now.

She and I are very close and really always have been. Im close with all my kids, but Jessica is the needy child that has always needed me the most it seemed. Of course she says she finally gets attention because Shanel, in Jessica's opinion, always got the attention when she was home.... Which is propably true because I knew Shanel would be off to college soon and I wouldnt be able to see her much.

I still talk to Shanel every day on the phone and that time means a lot to me. I miss my sweet Shanel and it has been horrible adjusting to not seeing her every day. She will be home for Christmas, and Thanksgiving if I can get the money together for the plane ticket.

We are trying to save for a down payment to get her a car for Christmas, which she needs to get to the grocery store in Rexburg, since she will be staying for college year round to graduate in three years. Then she wants to apply for medical school.

I have encouraged her to wait till her senior year to get engaged and to only marry a return missionary, that is a senior. I, in the back of my mind, feel like she is going on a mission, Im not sure why, especially if you know her and know how popular she is. Everyone I know says she will be married with in the year, I hope not.

I want her to get her education out of the way before she takes on a family. I know that she will be a fabulous wife and mom. My mom use to accuse me of having"super mom syndrome" and shanell will be just like me and better!

I love being a mom and I am so grateful my heavenly father gave me such great kids.

Till next time ................

Things always happen for a reason when you are living the gospel and doing all that you can for others and your heavenly father. He has put some amazing people in my life.

As my husband and I strive to make god driven decisions it seems that the way is opened, people pop into our lives from no where and we are blessed beyond our wildest imaginations.

My girls are at church camp this week and I am completely lost without their sweet spirits in our home. I miss their drama, their laughter and even their tears. I love all my children and grand children and wish we could all live closer, but I am so proud of each and every one of them for their great strength and determination and their wide open hearts for love and service. My children, each and every one of them, are compassionate loving hard working young adults.

I am so grateful for our new friends the Getties. They are the most loving, charitable, humble, people I have ever met. They have a big house filled with absolutely loving and precious children who all love and live the gospel. Through great people like the Gettys we learn how to be true examples of Christ. I have a lot of caring loving people here in Texas that I am very proud to know, who's lives are completely dedicated to service and love. I feel very lucky and blessed to be a loud to enjoy their families and lives.

I have a lot of friends here in Texas and if I started listing them all this blog would take all night. They know who they are and I love them all. I'm in a extremely grateful humble mood these days.

I have put my problems in the hands of Christ and through him all things are possible. He never said it would be easy only worth it. It's funny once you sincerely do that things no longer seem like problems at all, but only challenges. We made some summer time decisions that hopefully will pay off with just a few months of sacrifices. If not Im not a fraid I know his will , will be done and all is well.

Im super tired to day I dont even know why. Well good night for now....................

June 4th, 2010
I had a ok day, I just saw Shanel off to go to Megan dugoods so she and Megan can go to Florida tomorrow for a week at Disneyland. Im not sure if I really like letting go. It was very hard for me to let her go but the two girls have been planning this graduation trip for a while and I geuss Its time to let her go.

When she gets back she leaves for another week to her 7th year of church girls camp.Then it will be time to prepare for the big trip to Idaho so she can become a college student.

How I wish she was still little and I could dress and play all day with her and care for her. She has grown into such a amazing young lady and I am very proud of her. Her sister is pretty amazing too.

Im quickly becoming a empty nester and Im not liking it. Im finding that I have become the kids mom and not much of anything else.

Here goes the whinning..... Since 1999 I have been home only working when and where I wanted and not really grasping onto a career or even a job. I have been doing online college for over a year now and have achieved over 40 college credits. I have yet to see where even a degree will help some one at my age that doesnt have a career. I dont feel really connected with the community or people here in Texas and I dont even feel connected to myself these days. I geuss it is just one of those day where I dont feel very happy. I am greatful for my friends and family I just wish I had people a round that I felt like I had some thing in common with.....

I have come to the conclusion that when I left my career to be a mom I sunk both my feet into that and enjoyed it so much that I let my identity go some how. Now where to find it? Being the anilitical person that I am, I figure that I have to do research, learn some new skills and hobbies and try and get to know more people. I have been trying to find things i can do for people and with people (adults) so that I can build my new circle of influennce in order to pull myself out of this depressing rut I am in. Im finding that I have such a large range of interest that It makes it hard for me to realistically begin any of them ugg.... Again time to prioritise and just start jumping in. I have been trying to walk and swim regularly in order to try and get into shape. Thats not going real well either.

I geuss I just need to stop thinking so much and pray and read my scriptures more, through christ all things are possible, and he really does want me to be positive. My heavenly father has always cared for me and protected me and for this I am truely grateful. I know that through faith and obedience through the gospel I will find my way and my place in this great big world.

Good noght till next time....

Today was Sunday May 30, 2010
I had a great day with my daughters and hubby at church. Then I went to Shanel's seminary graduation. I cant believe that she is headed off to college in Idaho, and Im not going to ever have to take her to school again. It went way to fast. I now have Jessica going into the 9th grade and she starts seminary this next school year. Im going to cherish every early morning with her because with Shanel I have experienced how quick the time flys.

I miss my boys and wish they were in their super man jammies and tucked in bed in their metal blue bunk beads that they loved so much as children. I miss their hugs and kisses and how excitted they would get when they would see me. I miss family vacations with all four of my kids and how much fun we always had.

Jessica is yelling at me to go to bed because I have to get up in 3 hours and go get my hubby from work.

I cant believe that we only have one car for the first time in 20 years.

Well good night....